SOHH Over It!

Sohh…

birthday par-tay at the not-so-local bar and grill.

Beef #1:

Stop tellin me to show up to shit early.

I coulda stayed at the crib and smoked bud until prime time as early as I showed up to the fuckin bar. 6 hours is TOO LONG to be in a bar for it not to be sports (or skripper) related. And OH the trouble I can get in during that long a stretch.

MILF brought her husband to the party, which leads to the next nugget…

ol girl is texting the birthday girl’s boyfriend with flirty messages. **and they’re supposed to be friends**

Now, he gets me outside and is buggin a lil bit about it. He’s sitting RIGHT NEXT to her husband, and this broad is tellin him he looks ‘cute’.

Beef #2:

Don’t tell me to show up early, when everyone else has no intention of showing up early.

We’re got 5 muthafuckaz sittin at a table for 20. For a good two hours. And this is what allows me to get involved in all the Melrose Place type drama. At this point I’m kinda tryin to find a Plan B, but the homeboy’s gotta go to work, I don’t really wanna go back to the crib. Shit, lemme holla at a female… ERRRRRRNT. Negative. Voicemail.

Beef #3:

You better pick up the damn phone at 8:30pm on a Friday night.

I KNOW YOU AIN’T DOIN NUTHIN CUZ I JUST TALKED TO THE HOMEGIRL AND I KNOW SHE COULDN’T GET A SITTER!!!

**more on this later**

Ahh, Big Jawns. Dude is tellin me how one of them did 7 beer bongs once… DAYUM! There’s two seats over by me so they come and sit down. The one sittin right besides me starts chattin it up. Whomp, whamp, yada, yada, yada… we’re gettin to know each other when the karaoke books come out. Now she’s tryin to peer pressure me into singing.

“I just know you can sing”

Why, cuz I’m BLACK!? **just playin**

So I’m looking thru the book seeing that I can see. And I’ll tell you what, this dude had some shit, considering the bar looked like an ‘older’ folks establishment (er, maybe I’m old), but dude had Jodeci and all kinds a shit.

Big Jawn offers to buy me a Jager Bomb, and I think I fell in love. Cuz I’m allowin her to write shit on my arm and errthang. Going out for smoke breaks, tellin me the gossip. Then, the other girl’s soon-to-be-ex-fuck-buddy shows up, then I gotta play ‘boyfriend’. And damn if I ain’t goin along.

So, big jawn’s friend gets up to sing… country of course… but DAYUM. Big Jawn is singing the shit outta this song.( I don’t even know what she sang)  Everybody at the table says ‘DAYUM’!

MILF is now getting shit-faced. Um, no, wait, why is she making out with her husband’s best friend? Oh, look at her face, bitch is GONE… husband decides he’s gonna try and get her home before she really starts showin her ass…

So finally after this girl has asked me 50-11 times to sing, she says if I’ll sing she get up and embarrass herself too, so I decided I’d had enough to drink that I’m gone sing New Kids On The Block - You Got It(The Right Stuff).

**no jodeci**

I’m totally planning on singing the shit outta the song when…

hold up, my name, and a WHOLE bunch of other people’s names are being called…

aw HELL TO THE NAW, this tricky ass broad done put my name on THEIR group song!!!

And it’s RED NECK WOMAN!!!

I Man Up and jump up to sing. And fuck if I don’t know the melody well enough to sing right along with about 7 females. Fuck it. This is what happens when I have 6 hours to drink. Along with getting almost a full beer spilled on my lap afterwards.

At that point I say I’ve had enough. My lap is wet, which means even if a fine ass female got stuck in the twilight zone and walked into this fuckin bar, I can’t even holla. So, the other big jawn provides me with cover as we walk out the bar.

Woooo, I’m kinda faded too, so I limp home, smoke a grit, then hit the futon.

And did you know big jawn that I fell in love wit had a damn boyfriend…

scandalous ass.

**M’kay, so ol girl who I tried to call Friday night, ended up texting me Sunday 10:15pm. I don’t check my phone until 12:30am, so I text her back anywayz. Will she text me today? We’ll find out. Shit… I missin big jawn. LOL.